jrkorea's Diaryland Diary
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it's raining men
ok all you fools who think Kris is my boyfriend from looking at my photo album, ask yourselves whether you really think a handsome guy like that could possibly be straight? women everywhere should be so lucky.
the boyfriend Jon left Portugal before I got a digital camera so I asked him to send me some pics to put in the album. if you want to know what he looks like, go check them out.
he looks quite diff in these pics since I knew him mostly when had a beard.
6:31 p.m. - Thursday, Jul. 17, 2003
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a roof over my head
I am now at my 6th address in 10 months in Lisbon.
Here's the rundown of the different places I've lived...
Sept 2002 - Praca do Chile
I'd gone to Portugal not wanting to be there, not wanting to stay and certainly not wanting to make friends. I had every intention of returning to good money in England and settling down for a bit. Hence, I splashed out on my own apartment while doing the CELTA and certainly after the experience in Exeter of living with the same 4 people you also work with every day and socialise with, I just wanted my own space.
It was a fab apartment, clean, lovely, roomy, antique furniture, very European.
Then after 2 weeks this idiot from my CELTA called Kris who I didn't know got himself into a sticky situation and needed somewhere to stay.
Only 3 weeks earlier, I'd been homeless and in dire straits. I'd made a vow that if I could ever help someone out in a similar situation I would do so. D'oh. Therefore despite some misgivings, I gave up the dream of personal space and he moved onto my couch.
Within 3 days we were best friends.
Then of course I decided that I loved the CELTA and dreaded the thought of having to go back to England and leave sunny, laidback, beautiful Lisbon behind.
Well every spare cent I had went on rent so at the end of the month I found myself staying in Lisbon, jobless, penniless and once more homeless.
It was time to find somewhere cheap.
Oct/Nov 2002 Rua Poco dos Negros
ah, how unfondly I remember this hellhole.
So let's see. for a fraction of the price I'd paid for my apartment I got a musty room in a dingy house which had about 8 or 9 others living there.
There was one tiny window in the whole room, it was above head height and opened into a construction site, where workers merrily drilled into my wall all day long. Sunlight shunned my room so I was stuck with a single electric lightbulb day and night. Noisy and gloomy was just the start.
The kitchen was filthy, imagine 8 or 9 peoples dirty dishes, pots and pans piled into a little sink
the bathroom was outside on the balcony. the showerhead was broken and would spray water all over the room except on your body. To go the toilet or brush your teeth you had to step over the filthy, muddy water, with one leg propped on the shower and the other propped outside.
there were rats in the kitchen, mice in the bathroom and cockroaches everywhere.
black chimney grime and dust would fall regularly onto the stove top, cleverly timing itself to fall into freshly cooked food.
the landlady hated me because I moved in without telling her, and would come and yell at me in Portuguese on a regular basis.
the dragon lady andreia lived there, she had frightened off three of the other tenants the very day i moved in, good luck, they said to me on their way out
there was a sexy italian student called tom there as well, he was ok, nice to look at and he could cook.
edward from california loved to talk and talk and talk. there was nothing he didn't know the exact encyclopedic explanation for
also there was an annoying American in the next room called Jon who kept hitting on me and wouldn't go away. i was forced to stop talking to him for 12 days but he didn't notice for a week.
then one day Kris called and said, hey hon, do you want to come live with me in a beautiful house next to a castle?
i packed my bags and fled without even getting my deposit back.
Dec/Jan Castelo
have you ever fantasised about your dream apartment? well this was it.
360 degree views all over Lisbon and the bay. And I mean breathtaking views of one of the most beautiful cities in the world. Plus the water was dazzling.
The place was huge, it was peaceful. You could enter it and straight away feel a sense of wellbeing. Polished floorboards, white walls, granite kitchen... and not a cockroach or rat in sight.
Christmas we put up a tree with little fairylights.
This was home!
Then Laura the crazy Spanish princess who lived there started getting all mental and unbearable and kept wanting to have group meetings about the house.
Then she moved to Madrid taking all the furniture. Kris moved in with three crazy Spanish nurses. And I was once again homeless.
Feb-April 2003 Travessa da Madalena
somehow in the meantime i'd managed to get myself well and truly together with Jon the annoying American from the other house. (those were giddy but intense days at Castelo.)
i finally convinced him that moving in together was the best solution for saving some money.
we took the first place we saw as i needed to move my stuff asap. rent was going to be so cheap split between two (of course then he lost his job around the day we moved in and suddenly had to live off my 14 hours a week wages but that's a whole other story!)
my gawd, this house...
(ps sorry i keep calling these places houses, they were all flats/apartments, there are no house in downtown lisbon but in Portugal they don't differentiate between house/flat/home it's all houses)
anyways...
it was majorly dingy, there were 3 others living there.
Elidio (who i still think was gay)
Bruno (who i still think was Californian and only pretending to be Portuguese)
Duda (who was still in highschool!)
so anyways we thought Duda was kind of cool since she was obviously a lesbian with all that shaved off hair and butch clothing. Erm. That was until we noticed that all her friends, mostly guys, had shaved heads too and then they kept have these meetings in our house and we noticed her phone said "skinheads rule" and that the only video she owned was Romper Stomper.
Great! I always pick the psychotic flatmates.
Jon ran out of funds, we were around each other all the time and fighting a lot, i was crying all the time so eventually after three months he decided to go back to Korea (where he has taught before) and I would meet him when my contract finished in Portugal. This was weird, I just wanted him to leave but at the same time, I'd become dependant on having him around.
There was no way I was staying in that house by myself. Even when Jon was around I'd send him into the kitchen to make food to avoid all the neonazis sitting round our kitchen table moaning about life.
It was time to move again...
May/June 2003 The Bairro Alto, Hobbes's Place
For those of you who don't know much about Portugal, the Bairro Alto is one of the oldest districts in Lisbon.
It's a desirable place for young people to live but most of the people there are little old ladies who have been in their rent controlled flats for ages.
It's also the nightlife district. Basically, the Bairro is a maze of twisty little alleys and streets packed with bars and restaurants. During the day it just looks like houses. Bars and clubs here don't have big signs, you don't notice them till you walk past the doorway and hear the music. The older style bars and clubs have closed doors and NO signs, you have to know where they are and ring a doorbell to get in.
The first month was great. It's noisy at night (particularly bad if you have to get up for work at 7am on a Saturday morning) but I loved the liveliness of it. It's always a good vibe in the Bairro, you don't see fights or stupid drunk people, everyone drinks out on the streets and has a good time. During the days there's something nostalgic about it, the little old ladies emerge onto the street, the quaint little grocery shops open their doors. Everyone's laundry is hanging above the streets.
Anyway, I don't want to get into too much details about why it didn't work out. It was a great address but I didn't enjoy my time there.
I had only intended to stay in that house two months because of Korea anyway so when my job in Korea got delayed by a few weeks I decided to spend those last few weeks somewhere else.
July 2003 Kris's house
So I've been staying at Kris's the last couple of weeks. Kris hasn't really been here and he's in Scotland now, so I've taken over his room.
3 big-hearted crazy Spanish nurses live here too. I love them. I love trying to have conversations with them. they are all great people. there is always something mental going on in this house.
Interestingly, the entire apartment building has signed a petition trying to get them evicted from this house. Somehow this household has riled up the lady in the flat next door so much that she's resorted to throwing eggs.
On the plus side (for me anyway), besides the good company here, there is also illegal cable and a laptop, plus a big balcony to catch some rays on even if it's the furthest I've lived from Rossio or Baixa so far.
Still... in Korea, I'll have my own apartment and finally get that space I've been waiting for.
4:36 p.m. - Wednesday, Jul. 16, 2003
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yah yah really tired
Well it's technically Wednesday but I'm still on Tuesday time in my head.
I was going to write about something completely different tonight but I kinda lost track of time and next thing I knew Miguel came round to pick me up for dinner and so I'll write about that instead.
firstly, i'm completely braindead and tired but still wired from the coffee from dinner and can't sleep. (translation: ignore anything I write from this point onwards)
So anyway, went to dinner with Miguel at a fine establishment known as Pizza Hut. This was my first PH experience in Portugal and it was actually quite good (pizza in Portugal is generally of a low standard since all the Italians in Lisbon are students and work as waiters rather than chefs).
It was actually a really nice (albeit rather looong) night. I felt like I bonded with him a bit (great move when you have less than a week left in a country).
He really poured his heart out about his feelings for Kris and his worries, and I'm such a sucker for that. I won't give details but I think we sorted his head out a bit and I said all the things I wanted to say and I think I said them in the right way to have the right effects etc blah blah
I really want to write about some of my general Portugal experiences/impressions but not tonight, my lonely bed awaits.
Oh, just remembered something crappy. I think I might be getting my period a week or so early. Yuk. Well I guess noone really wanted to hear about that (too much information?) but it's something that's been weighing on my mind lately because it's meant to be due the day I arrive in Korea (and I haven't seen Jon in... how long!?) and what's sex again, i don't remember.
g'nite, take care, beijinhos x
(ps Miguel asked me tonight, what's that 'x' you always put at the end of your text messages and i had to explain about the whole 'xoxo' thing and how it basically means beijinhos, that's like the 4th time in Portugal someone has asked me what 'x' means.)
2:45 a.m. - Wednesday, Jul. 16, 2003
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a self-pitying rant
Hrmm... so I learnt a lot about HTML today so I could start fixing up this page how I want it. It's actually so simple that even I can do it!
The best thing I did today was set up the photo album and make the link from this page. I'm so smart.
Feel free to leave comments about any pics when you go look. Also if you are reading this diary click the "Leave Me a Message" link on the left and sign my guestbook so I know who you are.
That pretty much took up my day (maybe I'm not so smart but hey I set up 3 different albums before I found one I liked). I was housebound till Lidia came home around 4 or 5pm as I didn't have a key. That really helped my campaign to quit smoking since I didn't have any... but of course I've made up for lost time since.
So, what's new? Pepe came home nearly in tears but I don't know what was wrong, it must be bad because he's normally so carefree. Lidia started telling me about all the bad things that have happened to her this year. My heart just went out to her. Suddenly my life doesn't seem that awful in comparison, she's been through a lot. Wow, it's really been a bad year for everyone it seems, I don't know anyone who's had a happy one so far, either here or at home.
Again, I'm just glad to be leaving Lisbon. I don't regret for a second coming but I feel this strong compulsion to change my life and to try and have more positive experiences.
Jon emailed today. He's really unhappy at his new school in Seoul but he's holding onto the hope that things may improve. Other than that he is loving life in Seoul.
Miguel rang me, he wants to go out for dinner so we can talk about Kris. He sounds majorly stressed, I think he has really strong feelings for Kris and he's just holding out for me to give him some hope in that direction. Ah, unrequited love. My speciality, in either direction.
Lidia said about 20 times today that she wants to visit me in Seoul. She was emphatic so I know she means it. I also have a friend, Anna, in England who wants to come visit as she has had many Korean students. She is my original inspiration for becoming an ESL teacher. We used to sit next to each other in that gawddamn hellhole call-center in Exeter and she'd tell me about the three years she spent teaching in Spain.
I started teaching so I could go work in a non-English speaking country. I never thought I would end up loving it so much. Plus I'm actually good at it, the school has given me a super reference and so many of the students want to stay in touch. I'm going to get my proper teaching qualification when I finally get home. I'm really grateful I met Anna. I'd already started considering it but once I spoke to her, I knew I had to go do it (take a CELTA course and go teach).
Some of the best times I've had on my travels were when Fiona and Belinda visited me in England and then when my Kiwi friend (from Contiki) Justine visited me in Lisbon. Same when Jon's friend Dan stayed with us (even though that was a gawdawful week for many reasons). I think it's because you forget that you're having an amazing experience living in a foreign country until you experience it through the eyes of a visitor. And then you think, hey this is cool! and you start to forget the shitty day to day problems that are getting you down. Ha! In case you didn't get it that's a subtle hint for people to come visit me in Seoul
It's funny, I nearly didnt make it to Portugal to teach. In the end in England I was so unhappy and miserable, I wanted to stabilise my life instead of going on more adventures that turn into disaster. Mark convinced me to go (thanks babe) telling me I'd already paid for my ticket and the course and I should just do it. 4 weeks of my life and I could come back to England and stabilise away. Well I didn't ever make it back, except for a visit, and this new adventure did turn out somewhat disastrous but hey I'm so glad I made the move. It's been tremendous. The ups and downs have shaped me so much. I'm so much more confident in myself but at the same time I feel so defeated like I'm not as strong as I was. Still on the whole I'm happier with myself, and more forgiving of my faults than ever before.
I am getting homesick though, I just want to clear my debts, finish my travels and go home to my family and friends.
I tell you what, if Jon wasn't in Korea I wouldn't have the courage to go. I just feel like I don't have the strength to just pick up and start all over again without knowing a soul for the 3rd time! Too much unexpected shit happens those first couple of months and I don't want to deal with it alone. I need support networks dammit!!
Blurgh! I am ranting on now, I'm actually in an ok mood, I feel like I got some things done today. There's still a bit to do before I leave but I'm not feeling that much pressure yet. My whole week is basically free, at least during the days.
Anyway, this has turned out to be a ridiculously long post for a day when I didn't even leave the house. Oh i did practice some more Hangul. Just the basic phrases again though (I'm getting quite an expert at saying "hello").
10:36 p.m. - Monday, Jul. 14, 2003
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Hangul
I decided to teach myself Hangul (Korean alphabet) today. It's not actually that difficult to learn to read.
Each sound is represented by a certain letter or pattern just like in English and then they are put together to form a syllable. Each word is then made up of one, two, three or however many syllables.
The big difference is that there are many more vowel sounds than in English, plus the dipthongs and it's quite hard to hear the distinction between some of them.
Also some consonants don't have an exact English equivalent, usually the sound falls between 2 of our letters eg between k and g. Plus the l/r letter is going to be tough for me to pronounce I think.
However I've managed to learn to read Hangul accurately now (albeit slowly)... now it's just a case of attempting to understand what it is I'm reading.
Well, I learned a few basic phrases. That's a good start.
I'll practice more tomorrow.
If anyone is interested in learning the language, here are some links.
Kris only got back from Algarve tonight and he's got to quickly pack and dash off for his flight to Glasgow.
I'm really too tired to write anything witty tonight.
11:18 p.m. - Sunday, Jul. 13, 2003
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Beach
After a very unambitious start (I was still in my pj's by 4pm), my day actually turned out quite good.
Marcia, Lidia and I headed down to Costa da Caparica and walked along the beach.
It was really nice. The day was overcast and almost chilly so the beach was fairly deserted.
It was really good to hang out with the girls for a change, I've really missed having close female friends here. I think about this a lot actually.
I mean, we got to sit on the sand and compare who had the hairiest legs and stuff. I couldn't do that with Kris or Jon.
After the beach, Marcia drove us to Cabo Espichal which was this amazing clifftop overlooking a splendid cape. There was a deserted church/palace thing and a really eerie atmosphere (lots of mist). However, it was extremely windy and we were in fear of our lives at the cliff's edge so had to retreat.
Marcia told me her life story in the car. Basically it is exactly like the movie Save the Last Dance. She wanted to be a dancer all her life and then had to make a choice, and then her dad died and oh it was so sad.
Lidia also told me she used to be in a death metal band when she was a teen. And she showed me pics of her major depression year when she shaved off all her hair.
I think I better have a snooze before we go out, K isn't back from the Algarve yet. I could almost not go out tonight. I feel content just to stay here and sleep.
9:34 p.m. - Saturday, Jul. 12, 2003
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Embassy Stuff
I went to the Korean embassy today to pick up my visa and it cost me 60 euros. That's just for single entry (but I think I can update it once I get to Korea and have some money again).
There goes my budget for new clothes, I now have 40 euros left of Portugal money (I'm taking 500 to Korea which I'll need to live off for 6 weeks before I get my first pay).
In Korea it is considered proper to have your shoulders covered so I need to do some serious shopping for some appropriate clothes for work.
Luckily everything's on sale here for 5 or 10 euros so I should be able to get some bargains.
Kris has gone to The Algarve for one night to stay with Jonny and try and sort his head out. He'll be back tomorrow so we can go out and party for our last Sat nite together (he leaves for Scotland on Monday and doesn't get back till the day before I leave for Korea).
Lidia is really worried about him so we had a bit of a talk about that.
I got cracking taking pictures today.
11:43 p.m. - Friday 11 July, 2003
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First Entry
I've only got a few days left in Portugal.
It's felt like the longest time here. I've had so many highs and lows. Yet at the same time, it's gone so quickly. I've only spent half the time here that I did in England but it is time to move on.
I'm so excited about going to Korea. The more I read about it, the more I want to be there already. And, I haven't seen my boyfriend since May which isn't easy. I'm curious about seeing him again. He has been such an internal conflict for me.
So I'm ready to go but still, it's difficult to leave. The goodbyes don't get easier. The more I have to say it to people, the more I realise that it's for good and I won't see many of these people again. I'm going somewhere where I only know one person.
Also, it's hard to leave when I know I have a friend who really needs me here. Kisses to you K.
Lisbon is such a beautiful city, it's time to get the camera out and take some parting shots before I go.
9:25 a.m. - Friday 11 July, 2003
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