jrkorea's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- sad sidenote I don't really want to talk about this here and I probably won't mention it again, but I just found out today one of my closest friends in the world has HIV. What makes me want to cry the most is how positive he sounded when he told me. 1:03 p.m. - Tuesday, Oct. 07, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- riding my own melt Hrmm. Those who know the turn of events of the last week may be just a little surprised to find I went camping with my ex this long weekend. We had an amazing time yet I'm a little disappointed (though strangely amused) to find myself still feeling such ugh-ness at how things have worked out and still wondering if he is worth continuing to invest so much of my emotion and energy. (he is by the way). Jon (or Evil Bastard as he has otherwise been known this last week) has been a complete conflict in my mind since the night we first kissed, almost exactly 12 months ago. Since noone else I know, knows both him and me and what we've been through over the last year, he (ironically) becomes the friend I end up talking to about it all. Luckily, he's pretty good at that. I know I've changed dramatically and positively since I've known him so how can I really regret anything? I'm also going through so many positive changes within myself through myself right now too. It's hard-going at the moment but just wait and see what emerges from my own primordial swap. Keep a look out for the soon-to-be-released new and improved version, beware of cheap imitations! I'm bursting to read my own diary entries in about two months time. Things are going to start being great (or at least quasi-normal) I can feel it. My life is such an open book write now, I just have to pick up a pen that actually works. Stop drifting, stop catering to other people's whims, start making decisions and and start making the right decisions. Or at least, start learning to say fuckit, and start taking pleasure in the details. From Reality Bites, courtesy of Donna... "There's no point to any of this. It's all just a... a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes. So I take pleasure in the details. You know... a quarter-pounder with cheese, those are good, the sky about ten minutes before it starts to rain, the moment where your laughter becomes a cackle... and I sit back and I smoke my Camel Straights and I ride my own melt." Usually I can rationalise myself out of these sad moods. However I do feel a positiveness teetering on the outskirts, ready to invade me despite my sincerest efforts to stay miserable. Where is the fast forward button on my life story? The right arrow on the browser page? The coming attractions? STAY TUNED: soon to be posted, on this very site, tales of our amazing misadventures on an almost deserted island - with pics to prove it!! and yes, I baited my own hook! and with something far more hideous than a mere worm. 10:02 p.m. - Sunday, Oct. 05, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- korean kids Korea apparantly has the highest rate of accidental child deaths in the WORLD! And not only this, but they are staggerlingly far ahead of whatever country comes second. this is not too hard to believe really. I don't know if anyone remembers an earlier entry about my students making charts about the milestones in their lives and it all seemed to involve a series of injuries and broken body parts. I see kids under 5 sitting on the road at night, playing, in dark clothing, unsupervised. And my street has no lighting. They hardly ever wear any protective gear when rollerblading or biking. they are allowed to do whatever they want usually unsupervised. and seem to like falling over. i see kids fall over at least twice a day. Plus Korea has one of the highest road tolls anywhere. yet kids continue to run out onto to the street. Mothers still wrap babies into homemade slings on their backs that look ready to come apart any second. Korean parenting seems to involve pushing kids overly hard at school and extracurricular activities (english classes, maths classes, cello lessons, taekwondo) but the small amount of free time the kids get to themselves is completely and utterly theirs. Parents will go from having total control over their kids' lives to suddenly giving the kids total freedom to do any thing they like so they usually do. But fuckit, it's so funny to watch them fall over. 3:34 p.m. - Thursday, Oct. 02, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- nearly converted, phew I came across my first Jehovas Witness the other day. She was a mild mannered, expensively dressed, well-spoken, middle-aged Korean woman who stopped me as I was coming out of my flat. Excuse me, she said chasing me down the stret for a bit. Excuse me, but are you Russian? Well excuse her indeed, this is tantamount (in this country) to being asked if you are a prostitute! I assured her in strong terms I wasn't and she blushed and said she must have thought i was someone else. I turned to go but before I could flee she thrust a magazine at me saying it was for my reading pleasure. I muttered a quick thanks and started backing away (didnt know she was a Jevvy but something was afoot). Please she said, easing forward, ever so slightly. If you enjoy it I can give you more. Her voice was so calm and inticing, her small black eyes, so piercing. I insisted I'd let her know and she insisted I give her my address now so she could send me every issue. She was eyeing my flat ever so subversively. I momentarily considered giving her my neighbour's flat number since he is a teacher at my school and heck it would have been funny but gawd, couldnt do it. The first article was mildly interesting, on sleeping patterns or something with no religious undertones. I read it on the bus to Seoul so it helped pass the time. It started to lull me into a false sense of security. I was ready to read more. The next article on the other hand was just beautiful, it was an advice piece to teenagers on the evils of music videos and how they could avoid watching the truly sinful videos or even better, give up all music video watching forever (apparantly not easy, but possible). I was hooked. And thus I hereby solemnly vow, to never (ever) watch a Britney Spears video as long as I still have a single breath left with which to cry out: no, for the love of sanity, nooo. 12:50 a.m. - Weds, Oct. 01, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- quick apology friends and loved ones, i'm really sorry if the last couple of entries worried anyone. donna said she had some frantic calls over it. they are exactly the kind of entries i dont want to put in here, its just hard. i guess, when you feel like that it overwhelms you totally, plus i made an agreement with myself to share more of myself here than i have been. however, please understand, i'm the girl who is alway going to be ok, even when i think i'm not. life is not great right now, but tonight it is getting better. love to everyone, and thanks for caring. 12:48 a.m. - Tuesday, Sep. 30, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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